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I am tan-tastic.

Posted 20/4/2018

Picture it: me typing this little blog post. My nail-bitten fingers tapping the keys like mini flesh hammers; tap-tap-tap. Now picture me typing where those hammers have a Light Tan™. I have just come back from a two week sloth fest in the sun and have sun-damage/tan as my proof.

I decided to go away with my number one best friend for a recharge of the batteries. ‘Who’s your best friend Esther? Your lover?’ No. It is me. I am my best friend. I went away on my Tobler and I focking loved it. My intentions were to do some editing, write, do the splits at sunrise and eat lotus leaves dipped in honey daily. In reality I turned into a complete holiday sloth who greased herself up like a rasher every day and cooked herself in the sun whilst reading, listening to podcasts and Ru Paul songs (Hey Kitty Girl is my current favourite). If you’re in the market for book recommendations, I put a list together on the podcast Insta page so go and have a look:

When I wasn’t lying in the sun baking like a camembert cheese, I was also barely speaking to any other human being that approached me so deep was I in my self-imposed isolation. In addition, I would take lunch solo, in front of the TV watching uplifting shows such as ‘Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away’ on Channel 5, a show that follows bailiffs around England repossessing items from people who are heavily in debt. Nothing says ‘relaxing holiday’ more than debt recovery.

In the evening, armed only with the internet for company and a solid wifi signal, I set about buying things I don't need. The first thing purchased was a pair of those glasses that block out blue light from screens. I have been wearing them in work since Monday and I feel like Bill Gates. I also bought an elaborate hairband from Mango I will never wear, the soundtrack and film poster for Funny Girl starring Barbara Streisand, a Ru Paul album and a million books that will take me 18 months to read. 

Truly, it was the greatest of holidays. 

I had planned to edit the interview I recorded for this episode while I was away but I just didn’t, couldn’t, wasn’t bothered so in place of a guest this week, it’s me talking sh*te for seven minutes.

Normal service will resume next Tuesday so set your alarms now and don’t forget to subscribe if you haven’t already! Have a great week and C U Next Tuesday. The link for this week's mini episode is here



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