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Esther O'Moore Donohoe

 

THIS WEEK

Posted 12/8/2018

 

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You’re only massive

 

My mum has taken to using the word ‘massive’ to indicate that something is very good. On the subject of her new windows: ‘The plumber drove by the house and said the windows are massive.’ Me: ‘The weather is so good today!’ Her: ‘Yes. It’s massive.’ I let it go a couple of times but I had to ask her where this has come from. She said she didn’t realise she had been using it and had no clue where she’d picked it up and chuckled to herself. Then we went for breakfast together and as I was shovelling a rasher and a bit of toast into my mouth she raised her phone to take a photo of me but then decided against it. ‘You look tired.’ My mum is massive.

 

I’ll take a pass…port

 

I discovered on Sunday that you can renew your passport online and, wait for it, you don’t need to bring your photos to the Gardaí anymore to sign the back of them! You just upload a photo, pay the fee and you’re renewed baby. I have told 12 people about this fascinating development in the evolution of passport renewal since then and no one has matched my enthusiasm.

 

The only tricky part now about getting a new passport is getting a new passport pic. You have to take a photo that shows your face completely neutral. No tiny smile, no tilting of the head towards the light, slight pursing of the lips or distracting from your face with a full veil. You have to present your visage, unposed, not grinning and bare it.

 

I showed tremendous discipline and self-restraint by only using the three attempts offered by the photo booth to select a ‘good one’. Looking at my face in the screen in front of me I saw that one of my eyes is rounder than the other, which is more oval in shape. They also look like they’re positioned at two slightly different latitudes on the globe that is my head. It looks like my features were arranged on the diagonal. My friend was standing by outside, so I called her in to see what she thought. She confirmed that indeed my face does look slightly wonky but all faces are and told me she went to three different booths for her own passport photo before accepting her cute little face as it was. So I paid my eight euro and kept the photos safe between the pages of a Tesco Clubcard application form. 

Later, I Whatsapped the pictures to my mum who confirmed ‘That looks like you. That’s your face!’ 

 

When I got home, I got onto the DFA website and in about ten minutes, I had ordered a new passport for EO’MD which will be my loyal travel companion for the next ten years. Where the eff will I be then? I look at my little head from ten years ago and she hadn’t a fookin’ clue what lay ahead. Her grandmother was still alive. She didn’t imagine she would get braces again. Hadn’t cried on the 15, 15a, 15b, 14, 16 or the 140 to and from Ikea. She had never been to Ikea. She had yet to weep uncontrollably from London Heathrow to Dublin, from Sydney to Dublin, Perth to Dublin (she peaked during Trolls) and on most streets around Dublin 6, 2, 1 and 8. She also laughed more than is good for a human and collected great friends. 

 

In ten years time, I can’t imagine where I’ll be. Presenting The One show on the BBC with Ant and/or Dec? Releasing my tenth novel in braille? Promoting my own line of laser pens for cats? I mean, we just don’t know. It is all to play for my invisible friends. 

 

Ask yer (cine)Ma

 

I got myself some poppers and coke (Manhattan popcorn and Coke Zero) to watch Dublin Old School two Saturdays ago*. Hahaha a great linguistic switchero from your pal Esther there! I am not nor ever have been a mad ourravih drug fiend so watching this film didn’t make me want to go out and get off my chops. I thought all the performances were good with special mention to my mate BQ who played the mega English DJ. He’s also in the new Villagers video FYI which is wonderful. https://youtu.be/G7Xqo6dvDmM He is the bees pyjamas. 

 

If I had made Dublin Old School, I would have included a scene where the characters go to the chemist and buy a multi-pack of blackcurrant Dioralyte and Nurofen to take before and after their nights out. I watch party films like this one and think ‘they all must be so dehydrated’ and ‘do they ever eat breakfast?’ I’d go and see it if I were you before it disappears foreverrrrrrrrrrrrr (please imagine saying the word ‘forever’ like you’re falling down a well. Thank you).

 

*I thought I’d post this two weeks ago but I didn’t so here it is late. The film is still showing in some cinema’s so I didn’t miss the boat completely.

 

Shut the book up

 

At a writing class I took the other day (hello! I chose to live my life as character from a Meg Ryan film circa 1996, please accept it) we did an exercise where we wrote a list of ten very small actions we do throughout the day e.g putting on slippers, pouring milk etc. Then we had one minute to write a four stanza poem on any one of the mundane activities. When the woman beside me volunteered to read her poem aloud and launched in with the title ‘Cutting the cheese’ I wondered if she knew she had written an ode to farting? Anyhoo, aside from Lorna’s* masterpiece, one of the best things about the writing class was the reading out loud bit. It brought me back to primary school and secondary school and at any small gathering to be honest. I always shoved my paw skyward when the teacher asked ‘does anyone want to start?’ In I would barrel, secretly hoping I wouldn’t be stopped and could glory hunt to the end of the page. Reading out loud is fun! (Please get this tattooed on your body). 

 

On the subject of reading, I posted a list of books recommendations on my Instagram recently but I have two more to add to the list. I read David Sedaris’s latest book Calypso which je enjoyed. A lot of the stories are set in Raleigh, North Carolina and as I once went to a wedding near there, it made reading them even more enjoyable. I’ve never read any of his stuff before despite having bought Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls; it’s in a box somewhere while I move. When I am in my new gaff, I will find it and stick it on the bedside pile. I will report back to you then. 

 

The other book to add to the list is Springs of Affection: Stories of Dublin by Maeve Brennan. https://www.dubraybooks.ie/Springs-of-Affection_9781906539542 

 

I hadn’t heard of this writer before until a few weeks ago when two authors mentioned her on a podcast. Then I saw Aoife Barry a.k.a @sweetoblivion on Instagram say she was hosting a talk on her work in the National Gallery. I thought ‘I hear you Universe. Count me in!’. However, then the Universe also made the weather stupidly good and it was too baking hot to be stuck indoors so I didn’y go Jim. Next time Batman.

 

Le fin. 

 

 

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It's an 8lb 3oz podcast!

Posted 25/4/2018

 

 

 

 

 

THERE'S BEEN A ROYAL BIRTH! Not Kate Middleton silles! I've given birth to another episode of The 80% podcast, the greatest podcast in all the land. Lollllll. 

As I survey my podcast nursery and look at all my little babies running around I’m filled with joy. There’s my Claire Balding playing with her dolls hair. Amy Hubles, building a cinema with Lego. Ian Dempsey, on the Fisher Price CD player doing a little disco for James Kavanagh and Doireann Garrihy in their playpen. So cute. 

My newest baby is always my favourite though and this week I’ll be giving the most love and attention to…Triona McCarthy! Writer with the Sunday Independent, beauty expert and all round rock and roll star.

I had a sheet of questions for Triona but we went all over the place. A sandwich gets delivered about 5 minutes in and we had to pause between talking to eat a chicken wrap and chips.

Triona has been there, done that and bought the designer T-shirt; she was so much fun. We talked vomiting, travelling with *the* Jimmy Choo, Michael Flatley and disgracing herself in Athens in front of a world famous rock band. She's a bloody riot mates. If you want to have a listen, just click here!

But if you think for one cockin' hoopin' moment that the point of my podcast is to learn more about the success of others and share stories of love, loss and failures in a bid to illuminate our consciousness, then you're in the wrong bloody place mate. All of my social media outlets are of course accessories for my ego.

With that said I will now share with you some things I enjoyed in the past week.

A mere 8,000 years after the rest of the world, I started watching RU PAUL’S DRAG RACE. It’s a brain cleanser and I would recommend. I am a long time fan of the Ru Paul and Michelle Visage, What’s The Tee which you should all subscribe to, so I don't know why I resisted watching it for so long. It didn't disappoint and is perfect to put on when you're cleaning the house on a Sunday. I rarely clean my house on a Sunday and instead I watched it stretched out like a sloth pig in the sitting room. 

I also listened to the Jeanne Sutton episode of Rosemary MacCabe’s podcast How to be Sound which I really liked. Jeanne talked about her endometritis a subject which I knew little to nothing about. And if you’re thinking ‘snore’ trust me, Jeanne is extremely entertaining despite talking about 'a condition resulting from the appearance of endometrial tissue outside the uterus and causing pelvic pain'. I would recommend following her on Instagram for doses of truth and humour. I’d tell you to follow Rosemary but you probably already are. Hopefully I’ll be talking to her soon on the podcast and she can teach me how to be sound as a pound.

After a mega reading fest on holiday, I have not been as voracious but I already have a few in the queue which I will share with you when I finish reading Marianne Faithfull’s autobiography or perhaps memoir is more accurate. Perhaps we will never know. Google has the answer surely but I am not checking so it will remain a mystery. 

I hope you enjoy this week's episode. Triona reminded me to live life a little more by the seat of my pants and to unhook my metaphorical mind-bra. We only get one shot on this merry-go-round. 

E.x

 

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I am a wally.

Posted 20/4/2018

Hahahaha. What a lark! I accidentally deleted all blog entries on this website yesterday so have had to stick them up again hence they now all have the same date stamp. Thankfully I am poor at updating this so it didn't take long.

In conclusion, what have we learned? To quote Theodore Roosevelt, which I do freqently 'there is no effort without error or shortcoming' (stolen from writer Pandora Skyes) so all will be well. 

New episode of The 80% is next Tuesday with beauty writer and human expression of joy, Triona McCarthy. Subscribe here so you don't miss it 

P.S I am both a wally and terrific. So are you...now SUBSCRIBE!x

 

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I am tan-tastic.

Posted 20/4/2018

Picture it: me typing this little blog post. My nail-bitten fingers tapping the keys like mini flesh hammers; tap-tap-tap. Now picture me typing where those hammers have a Light Tan™. I have just come back from a two week sloth fest in the sun and have sun-damage/tan as my proof.

I decided to go away with my number one best friend for a recharge of the batteries. ‘Who’s your best friend Esther? Your lover?’ No. It is me. I am my best friend. I went away on my Tobler and I focking loved it. My intentions were to do some editing, write, do the splits at sunrise and eat lotus leaves dipped in honey daily. In reality I turned into a complete holiday sloth who greased herself up like a rasher every day and cooked herself in the sun whilst reading, listening to podcasts and Ru Paul songs (Hey Kitty Girl is my current favourite). If you’re in the market for book recommendations, I put a list together on the podcast Insta page so go and have a look: https://www.instagram.com/p/BhbePqnjcff/?taken-by=80percentpodcast

When I wasn’t lying in the sun baking like a camembert cheese, I was also barely speaking to any other human being that approached me so deep was I in my self-imposed isolation. In addition, I would take lunch solo, in front of the TV watching uplifting shows such as ‘Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away’ on Channel 5, a show that follows bailiffs around England repossessing items from people who are heavily in debt. Nothing says ‘relaxing holiday’ more than debt recovery.

In the evening, armed only with the internet for company and a solid wifi signal, I set about buying things I don't need. The first thing purchased was a pair of those glasses that block out blue light from screens. I have been wearing them in work since Monday and I feel like Bill Gates. I also bought an elaborate hairband from Mango I will never wear, the soundtrack and film poster for Funny Girl starring Barbara Streisand, a Ru Paul album and a million books that will take me 18 months to read. 

Truly, it was the greatest of holidays. 

I had planned to edit the interview I recorded for this episode while I was away but I just didn’t, couldn’t, wasn’t bothered so in place of a guest this week, it’s me talking sh*te for seven minutes.

Normal service will resume next Tuesday so set your alarms now and don’t forget to subscribe if you haven’t already! Have a great week and C U Next Tuesday. The link for this week's mini episode is here http://estheromd.com/80-podcast/.

 

E.x

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Whoosh!

Posted 20/4/2018

Storm Ophelia blew in at the start of this week and sent my plans for the week flying!

You painted a great picture with your words there Esther. Thanks Esther. You're welcome Esther. 

I got a solid eight hours sleep last night so now I am raring to go. I've already bought a new peddle bin and a laundry basket; who knows where the day could go... 

On the podcast this week, my guest was Jeanne Mahony. Jeanne Who Esther? Jeanne Mahony! She's not a TV watcher person on Googlebox, or a writer or a doggy couture designer....she's a bloody brewer and business woman. Jeanne took the long and winding road to end up at her present career and her story will hopefully inspire, not perspire you. There are no deadlines on yo' dreams cuties so keep going!

P.S If you like this week's podcast, please share the link on Facebook, Twitter or wherever and help spread the word. HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND! A new episode will be up on Tuesday. 

Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/estheromd?lang=en
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/80percentpodcast/
Snapchat: estheromd
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-80-with-esther-omoore-donohoe

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Halloween Safety Tips

Posted 20/4/2018

Just kidding! This post has nothing to do with Halloween safety tips but if I wanted to increase clicks to my website, that is the kind of thing I'd need to write. I recently got some SEO training in werk which amounted to, keep your blog titles simple, no clickbait and theme your 'content' Urgh. It makes sense though if you a big corporation and you want to drive people to the wonders of whatever product you're trying to sell, but Apple.com, my website is not. I am free to put up any old dog doo doo that I want. 

In other news, I was a GUEST on someone else's podcast yesterday and it was so much fun! It was so nice to be asked and I bloody loved it mates. I didn't have to worry about anything except making sure I talked directly into the mic. The podcast is called 'Roast Chestnuts' and it's hosted by Alan McGuire and Jeanne Sutton. They review a different Hallmark Christmas film each week and I think the first one is up on the 3rd of November. I got one called 'I'll be home for Christmas' starring and directed by Josh Brolin. I will put up a link to it when it goes out.

Anyway, a new episode of my podcast will drop Tuesday so make sure you are subscribed on iTunes or Soundcloud or Stitcher. This week, I spoke with a woman who took a mere 17 years maternity leave, and then started a brewery as you do. A tale as old as time. Click on 'The 80% Podcast' in the header and you'll find all the links. Peace out mofos. Have a great Sunday and week!

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It's all awight with Sophie White.

Posted 20/4/2018

This week is episode 12 of the podcast so it's a tweenager and it's all 'Fenty Beauty this, Kylie Lip Kit that, Shawn Mendes the other'. But I digress!

This week my supersonic guest was author, columnist and Rice Krispie enthusiast, Sophie White. You may be familiar with Sophie's teeny tiny face as it appears above her column, The Domestic, each Sunday in LIFE magazine for the Sunday Independent. Now, this Sunday when you are browsing the mag, you can stop on Sophie's page, pause and say 'Hello tiny Sophie! I know what you sound like now.'

My chat with SW wandered from hot button topics such 'what's your chipper order' and 'rice krispie penis cakes; discuss' to the more serious subject of Sophie's nervous breakdown in 2007 and the subsequent work it took to get better. Oh it's all here folks. Sophie details, with great humour and warmth, a very dark period in her life and I could have talked to her all afternoon. By complete coincidence, my chat with Sophie came out today on World Mental Health Day. Sophie wrote some beautiful words on her Instagram today about her own struggles which you can find here: https://www.instagram.com/sophie_white__/ If you have somehow stumbled onto my website and you happen to be struggling with your mental health, know that you are not alone. Do not suffer for one more moment by yourself. If you live in an apartment complex, go next door right now, to the neighbour you never speak to. Pick up the phone and text someone, anyone. You are loved and more than enough and I know the battle is so hard and completely exhausting. If you're in Ireland reading this, Pieta House are an incredible organisation who help people experiencing suicidal thoughts http://www.pieta.ie/contact-us 

Another episode will be up next Tuesday so make sure you're subscribed on iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/ie/podcast/the-80-with-esther-omoore-donohoe/id887828047?mt=2 or Soundcloud https://soundcloud.com/estheromd/sophie-white-october-2017 so you don't miss out. 

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As I leave behind Nadine.

Posted 20/4/2018

This week's podcast is almost an hour long, so take a long walk off a short cliff as you listen to the latest episode of The 80%. This week I spoke with writer and broadcaster, Nadine O'Regan. She spoke to me about her childhood growing up in Skibereen, her passion for music and reading and how writing brought her to Dublin. We also spoke about how a Leprechaun brought her luck and helped land her, her first gigs on TV and radio.

 

It was a delight talking with Nadine and I really hope you find her story as interesting as I did. NADINE, I AM 80% HAPPY FOR YOU!

 

If you like it, please subscribe and rate it on iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/ie/podcast/nadine-oregan-april-2017/id887828047?i=1000384228219&mt=2 or Soundcloud https://soundcloud.com/estheromd/nadine-oregan-april-2017.

 

Toodle-oo for now mates!

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Doireann Garrihy, Snapchat Slaya.

Posted 20/4/2018

The second episode of The 80% is up now on iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/ie/podcast/doireann- garrihy-april-2017/id887828047?i=1000383723914&mt=2 and Soundcloud https://soundcloud.com/estheromd/doireann-garrihy-april-2017. This week I chatted with Snapchat slay queen, Doireann Garrihy. I really hope you like it and if you do, please subscribe on iTunes or Soundcloud and leave a comment as that helps me push the podcast up the charts. As I write this, my p'cast and It Galz are the only two female podcasts in the top five comedy charts so wahoooo! Gal power!

The links to iTunes and Soundcloud are....here! http://estheromd.com/80-podcast/ Please rate, review and subscribe if you like it. Thanks so much!

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3-2-1 PODCAST!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 20/4/2018

Boy oh boy do I have some great news for you. I have uploaded a brand new podcast to iTunes and Soundcloud of me chatting to the wonder person that is Amy Huberman! I know! Just what the world needs; one more podcast. The 80% is no ordinary p'cast though, as it's the best one out of all the ones all over the world. FACT. Plus, as if that wasn't brilliant enough, comedian David O'Doherty sang my theme tune! I feel very lucky.

 

I really hope you enjoy it and if you do, it would be great if you liked it and subscribed to it because that way, it will move up the podcast charts and more people will hear it.

 

Here is the link to The 80% on Soundcloud https://soundcloud.com/estheromd/amy-huberman-podcast-march-2017 and here it is on iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/ie/podcast/amy-huberman-podcast-march-2017/id887828047?i=1000383210513&mt=2

 

 

Toodle-oo for now m'cuties!

 

I'll be back soon.

 

Esther.

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